I feel like we're still on tour

We had an amazing final week of tour. 

New York felt like the closest thing to a homecoming in a while. 

(Farewell to Free Energy pose)

Then, 2 days later, I got to see my sister deliver her first baby.

Watching a birth is something everyone should witness at least once.  It's magical (and completely animalistic).

Jason's parents came to visit and we took a 2 day trip to upstate NY-to the same place we filmed our Loveletter video. 

When we got back, I planned a 6 year old birthday party.  Well, I basically picked up some balloons and called the karate studio for a party there (and from now on...that's the way to go)

Now, I am stopping for a minute to remember that I haven't been on tour in a few weeks even though it feels I'm still in motion. Although, it's a different kind of motion-a more obligatory feeling of movement at home. There is something about the full committment you must make when you leave for tour that leaves you unexpectedly carefree. I like to think of it as a sabbatical from the real world.

When you get home and see the bills, the overdue library notices, the fishbowl that needs cleaning and the friends' facebook messages wondering where the hell you've been...you realize you were in fantasy world with no real plan for the past month and the freedom was nice. Sleeping on a bunk isn't easy but it sure beats the monotonous demands of the household.

This is all of course, considering we are a traveling family, not just a regular 20 something single group of dudes living it up in a rock and roll band.   Because those people actually get bored sometimes-no matter where they are.  I guess it goes without saying that when you have kids, boredom no longer visits-whether you are home or on the road playing music.  

My "new mom" sister called me from her car yesterday.   It was an exciting moment-her first moment alone in a car.  She was just driving to the store but she wasn't with the baby.  I told her (and dont get me wrong, I love hangin' my kids) that those are really some of the best moments after becoming a mother...put whatever you want on the stereo and drive around alone like you have no obligations. So, to all my non-baby friends, next time you are bored, remember that boredom is actually a real treat for some of us, get in the car and go pick up a mom you know and take her for a drive-just a drive. She will love you.

With all the motion, we are getting ready to do some serious digging into our new material. On my solo-mom-drives around the neighborhood, I've been listening to this beautiful song Pillowcase by Titles and the chorus line is stuck in my head "I don't know why it's so hard." And today I decided, it's not, it's just perpetual motion and you can't expect it to stop-you just have to surrender to the cycle. 

Explorers and Performers

That's our life. Exploring and  performing. At least for now.

June loves checking the drums.

Whenever there is a really early show, the girls are highly involved from soundcheck on.

In L.A. Mags even got to have her own mic to sing "You Are Free" at the show. Once a year cameos are fine. She's not in  the band-officially-but don't tell her that.

Aside from performance time and soundcheck, the other 10 hours a day have been super adventurous. I love summer tours.

We all took an epic bike trip across the Golden Gate. (I will not complain about the 50 pound trailer that I carted while June stuck her head out and screamed the entire length of the bridge. Because it was stil  a beautiful day.) 

Mag begged me to take her to the museum "where you could see the insides of bodies" in Tuscon.

She loved telling me which ones were boys and girls in a very loud but scientific manner. She also loved the circulatory room.

 And at the show that night, there was a blow up waterslide before the fireworks!

In Houston we went to NASA, on a private tour by a very nice fellow who listens to the band. This is the spaceship we will soon be sharing with Russia since there will be no more space shuttle missions after this year.

Mags landed Neil Armstrong on the moon-decades later-or maybe we got to time travel and now we can't tell you about it because it's too top secret.

And the real Mission Control where we watched, in real time, an astronaut at the space station fix a toilet. (PS-in space they turn urine into drinking water-Mags loved that one)

Although we roughed it through some interesting areas in Baton Rouge (at one point Jason was questioned for looking suspicious after there were gunshots near him) the girls and I found this public fountain and had a blast..I did have some maternal guilt for being in bad areas. That is one thing I haven't figured out yet...how to deal when you are stuck on wrong side of the tracks on tour. This is the first time it was actually too rough for us to walk alone. That being said, Baton Rouge was one of the best shows of the tour. But now we're heading to sweet old Athens. Can't wait.

U-S-A

I love this country. We watched USA lose while we sat at a bar in Denver. Storm clouds loomed overhead but we still had enough time after the game to trek to the Denver Zoo and city park before getting caught in the downpour. It didn't matter though. The defeated team, the rain...nothing can rival the love I've been having for every place. I know there are problems in this country. Terrible things happen. But if you are feeling down about the bad stuff, the economy or whatever, 
just get in your car or on your bike (like the touring dance troupe we played with-see below) and discover how amazing different parts of this country can be.

This tour feels more like a vacation than ever before. Maybe it's because June is old enough to sleep on a bunk and Mags is capable of doing an official soundcheck. Or maybe it's the summer crushes theme of this tour. Everyone is feeling the love.

Whatever the case, it's time for some highlights.

Massive family slide in Cleveland.

"BAAD Kinetics" opened the show in North Hampton...they ride bikes on tour and dance in different cities. 

Mags and June loved them.

Cinncinati, toy store extrodinaire (and no chili this time, my stomach thanks me)

Karate backstage, anywhere we can! (Or group soccer games if there is grass)

Omaha-Rolly Polly Bug!

Magic Bubble man "Anything is Possible" in Chicago.

MPR has the best piano ever.

Grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles in Minnesota! Mags even got to have a sleepover at her cousins' house.

"Twinkle Twinkle" before the Minneapolis show.

And the shows. Wait no, the people involved in the shows. The people who we've met at the shows, the people dancing,  waving pom-poms, laughing at Todd Barry or our bus driver (who did his first stand-up comedy ever and killed it). The people we are playing with, Jon and Kenji-they are insane musicians with kickass personalities. Jon is fully East Coast and has one liners we quote daily. Kenji is giving Mags uke lessons and is totally sweet with the girls. The patchwork backdrop is courtesy of Julia-our friend, nanny/Yo Gabba costume designer/talented in every way and who might double as an angel. Mark is tour managing and keeps us in check and laughing, Ben-ruling on the sound board and putting us all to shame with his healthy eating habits. Kelly-our nanny for this tour and cousin, who tried hummus for the first time on tour and is a complete natural with kids and writes her own tour blog here. We have learned to surround ourselves with the right people. It just all fits together. 

We all seem to notice the mountains and how pretty the moon looks when we load out at 1am. And we give each other lots of shit and it becomes tour jokes. And I love it.

I guess true love will find you in the end...and that's the perfect segue into our new video .

Blog Carnival

I got asked to participate in my friend's blog carnival. She's a dedicated midwife and writer, with an amazing family.  

I love talking about childbirth and motherhood. Don't all moms? I also like to talk about doing exactly what you want with your life. And I've always wanted both of these in my somewhat nontraditional lifestyle: family and rock and roll.

From the time my first child was born I've wanted my kids near me. Don't get me wrong, I like time alone but I will never forget that moment when they took Magnolia away in her first minutes of life (due to merconium). I shouted across the room, with a strong, primal urge, "Give her to me..I want to hold her..I need to feed her!" Until finally, she was in my arms. I didn't even recognize my own voice, the words just came out. I needed to have her with me. They really couldn't ignore me.

Ten weeks after Magnolia was born, I wore her in a sling and went on a national tour. We drove ourselves around in an RV. I would nurse her and then run on stage with the thought of her swaddled and waiting for me nestled into my brain throughout the whole set. At times I felt like I was the only mother crazy enough to do this, a different city every  night..and the only musician foolish enough to wear breastpads and tour with newborn sleep deprivation. But I believed people can have their cake and eat it too...as long as there is a great support system to set the table.

I couldn't have gotten through my first 6 months post-baby without a strong support system. Everyone going on a Mates of State tour had to understand that we were pro-baby. This meant baby food and diapers on our rider and early showtimes. It meant the backstage was occasionally reserved for pumping or naps.

Jason was around all the time. Unlike most families, we had two parents 24/7. And he supported what I wanted because he wanted both sides to work as well (playing music for a living and our raising a family.) We had (and still have) a shared vision.

My mother toured with us often during the first few years of Mags' touring life. She even made hotel parking lots fun...

My mother never flinched during hour-long cry fests and she liked walking aimlessly, with a stroller in small towns in foreign countries. She was happy to come along even if it meant sharing a hotel room with the tour manager and riding in the van five hours a day. She was there for that moment in the delivery room when I shouted for my baby. She knew what it meant. 

My friend taught me how to breastfeed before we left. Another came on tour as a nanny when my mom couldn't. Even my father, who once told me to stop reading books and trust my instinct, got me through. Those first moment of life, not wanting to be separated, taught me how to trust my natural instinct to fight for what I needed for my children, and for myself. It also taught me to surround myself with the right people.

I don't know how moms who don't have family around to help them after birth can do it. They hire midwives and doulas if they can find and afford them. I wish this was protocol in our country. I wish everyone had the support I had through my family and friends. 

During that first tour, Magnolia cried nonstop for 3 months-from New York to California. My life revolved around her.  Sometimes I felt crazy. 

Then one day in October in North Carolina Magnolia started laughing. It sounded like a pteradactyl. The crying almost diminished as we finished up our last week of tour. The laughter was like a reward or a message saying, "You did something right." 

Looking back, all I really did was try to maintain the fun in my life... and keep her close, tightly swaddled and love her every minute of every sleepless day and night. I kept her around while I worked and continued the life I wanted to create with music and my partner. I kept her and her sister close from the first second of their life. And of course, it took a village-a traveling villiage to get us through the hard part.

We are gearing up for another tour in less than 2 weeks. Our girls will be sleeping on the tour bus with us. They will ride their bikes around the clubs during sound check and explore museums, parks and random towns all day long. They will sleep while we play music. We will be tired but we will still wake up early, in a new place, to their voices saying, "I want breakfast."   

We are still doing it, this dream of having a family and jobs we love, and sometimes I can't believe it. It's hard to make it work but we'd have it no other way. It just feels right, I'm going with that natural urge I had from the beginning to have my kids with me while I pursue a dream. I feel fully supported by everyone in my life, including my kids. And that makes all the difference.

Also, if you would like to read one of the most touching mom blogs ever, please proceed to my friend Ruth's blog. And read the older posts too.

Let it be

We're talking all things Beatles lately. Mags thinks Paul looks funny with a beard but she likes his songs best right now.

And since the adults in the family have recently discovered how great covers can be... it only seems apporpriate that the kids share their favorites too.